Christmas Present  Sequel to Leave Me Alone
by dawneh
Summary: 18 months have passed since Craig left for Ireland... but then John Paul receives a phone call that could change everything... Finally reunited they have to do all they can to make sure nothing comes between them again
1. Chapter 1

I'll never forget the day I got the phone call. I was still in bed despite it being nearly 2 in the afternoon, following a late party to celebrate the end of term. My fellow students at HCC really knew how to party and I wasn't about to be left behind!

My mums voice screamed up the stairs calling my name but, not wanting to be disturbed, I just pulled the duvet over my head and tried to ignore her.

I'll always be grateful that she didn't let me get away with that as, only seconds later, the duvet was torn from my body leaving me blinking and startled in the sudden brightness of the room.

"There's a phone call for you."

"Tell them I'll call back." I mumbled as I tried to reach for the duvet but she kept it from my reach.

"I think you'll want to take this... it's Frankie Osbourne."

I shot upright at the sound of her name. I'd barely spoken to her in the 18 months he'd been gone.

We'd exchanged vague pleasantries when our paths crossed at the Dog and she took the time to let me know he got into Trinity, but beyond that we had very little contact. I think she always blamed me for him leaving and to be honest there were times that I blamed myself for not trying to stop him.

But now she was on the phone waiting for me and all I could think was that something awful must have happened.

With a terrible panic in my chest I raced down the stairs and grabbed the receiver in a shaky hand.

"Hello?" My voice trembled as I spoke.

"John Paul, hi.."

"What's happened? Is he alright?"

There was a soft laugh and I immediately felt a sense of relief. That was not the sound of a woman whose son had been hurt.

"He's coming home for Christmas... and he asked me to call you... he wants to come and see you… if that's OK."

I could hardly breathe; the room seemed to spin around me. Whether that was caused by the cast consumption of alcohol the night before or the thought of seeing him again I couldn't be sure.

I closed my eyes tightly and all I could see behind the darkness of my lids was him. His soft brown eyes looking back at me… smiling at me… just like I remembered.

"John Paul?"

I realised I hadn't replied to her but somehow the words seemed a million miles away.

"If you don't want to see him I'm sure he'll understand..."

"NO! I mean yes... yes of course I'd like to see him... when's he due home?"

"Tomorrow... sometime in the afternoon... I'll let him know you're expecting him."

I stood holding the receiver long after Frankie had hung up her words still running around my head.

18 months after a train took Craig Dean from my life another one was about to bring him back.

---

She had been nagging me for months to pay a visit home but I'd always resisted.

The first Christmas away from my family had been hard but I'd kept away for my own sake as much as for his. Seeing him again so soon would have only hurt us both. The memory of what I'd done was still too raw. So I'd stayed in Ireland alone.

There had been so many times that I'd wanted to call him just to hear his voice again. Just like I had known there would be. There were so many times that I was glad I'd left all those old numbers behind, he deserved to be able to get on with his life without me and I needed to get on with mine without him.

But somehow this time when she asked me to come home for Christmas I heard myself agreeing and, before I knew it, I had my journey booked and I was ready to go.

Perhaps 18 months apart had been long enough. Maybe now we were ready to see each other again. But just maybe he wouldn't want to know. I couldn't risk turning up on his doorstep and having the door slammed in my face. I couldn't bare the thought of such rejection, not from him. So I asked my mum to phone him and ask if he would see me.

Waiting for her to call me back felt like a lifetime. A nervous sickness washed over me as I imagined his face... I could almost hear him saying NO.

He'd said that he forgave me when we parted and that he understood. But things change, people change and I didn't know if he was the same person I'd left behind. I didn't know if I was the same person anymore.

I'd been holding my mobile so tightly that I jumped with fright when it rang in my hand, my home number illuminated on the display. I took a deep breath before answering.

"Well?"

"He'll see you."

"How did he sound?"

"OK… confused."

"Thanks."

I closed my eyes and lay back on my bed. In less than 24 hours I would see him again. I would look into the startling blueness of his eyes and then I would know. For 18 months I had wondered and in a day I would know.

---

I awoke early the next morning even though I knew he wouldn't be arriving for hours. How could I sleep knowing that each second that passed was bringing him closer to me?

I stood in the shower enjoying the warm caress of the water wondering exactly where he was at that moment, was he thinking about me?

I changed my shirt countless times before settling on that black one that he'd said he liked on me. I hadn't worn it since he left as it reminded me too much of him. It had been hanging in my wardrobe waiting for his return. Waiting just like I had been without being aware of it.

I laughed softly to myself as I thought about what he might be wearing. It was cold outside, would he opt for one of his imaginative, and yet somehow worrying, articles of knitwear that he seemed to love so much. Or at least he used to love. Maybe his tastes had changed now. But I hoped not. He wouldn't be my Craig without at least one dubious cardigan in his collection.

And then there was nothing to do but wait. I watched the clock as the hours ticked by.

In the silence of the room I began to let my mind wander, drifting back to the days we'd been happy together, when all we needed was each other. Back when I knew I was loved… back before it all went wrong. I could see his eyes as clearly as I when I last looked into them. Deep and brown and with an unnerving ability to look right into my soul. He could look into my very being and to understand what was there.

I was so caught up in my reverie that the sudden knock at the door startled me. It echoed loudly in the quietness of the room.

18 months after Craig Dean had left Chester he'd finally come home.

---

Travelling home felt like the longest journey I had ever made. As I leant with my head resting against the cool glass of the window I didn't see the blur of buildings and fields as I sped by. Instead all I could see were those pale blue eyes waiting to welcome me back. I had never been able to shake the memory of those eyes. Two pools of the purest blue. Sometimes when I'd looked into them I'd felt like I could almost drown, but to look into them again it would be worth the sacrifice.

I felt my heart beat a little faster as the signs for Chester came into view. This was the closest I'd been to him in a year and a half and before long I would be close enough to touch him again. Would I even be allowed to touch him again?

As I climbed into the back seat of a taxi and asked the driver to take me to Hollyoaks village I couldn't help but think back to the last time I had been at this very same station. The time when we'd said goodbye and I'd never expected to see him again.

My mum was waiting outside the Dog when my taxi arrived and she pulled me into her arms almost before I got out of the car.

Covering my face with kisses she repeated over and over how much she'd missed me. A show of affection conducted in the embarrassing way only mothers can truly accomplish. But I didn't mind. I'd missed my family and it felt good to see them again. But at that moment there was someone I wanted to see even more.

Sensing my restlessness my mum told Jack to take my cases inside and with a smile she told me to go.

"He's probably waiting for you too," she said.

I just nodded and, after hugging her again, I set off on the short walk to the McQueen's house.

Walking through the streets of Hollyoaks village felt both alien and familiar. The buildings and people seemed unchanged and yet they were still different. Or perhaps after 18 months away it was me that was different.

As I turned into his street I felt my breath catch in my chest. This was it after 18 months I was back.

I raised my hand and felt it connect solidly with the wood of his front door.

I was home. Home to Chester, home to Hollyoaks... home to John Paul.


	2. Chapter 2

John Paul's hand shook as he reached for the door handle. He could hear the drumming of his heart as it beat wildly in his chest.

"This is ridiculous," he told himself, "It's Craig… just Craig…"

But it wasn't JUST Craig, not any more and, as he turned the handle John Paul took a deep breath to prepare himself for coming face to face with the man he once loved.

Craig licked his lips nervously. Would John Paul still be the same? Would he have changed his hair, or the style of his clothes… or the way he felt?

Craig's palms were damp and he brushed them nervously against the legs of his jeans as the door began to open slowly.

John Paul felt his breath catch at the sight of Craig on the doorstep. He looked so much the same and yet so different. He couldn't tear his gaze from the soft brown eyes that looked back at him, the eyes he remembered, the eyes he had dreamed of night after night.

Craig felt the edges of his mouth curl into a smile as John Paul opened the door. He was instantly trapped inside John Paul's eyes just as he remembered. And once again he felt willing to be drowned in that beautiful gaze.

There was a heavy silence in the air as the two men just looked at each other. Neither spoke or moved a muscle for the longest time.

John Paul still gripped the door, possibly the only thing keeping him upright.

Craig half raised his hand but then let it fall limply to his side.

John Paul's mouth moved as he searched for words… any words… but none came to him. Instead he just stared at the figure before him as he became increasingly aware of a sense of falling. Falling into those deep brown eyes never to escape.

Finally Craig broke the silence with the only words he could find.

"John Paul…"

John Paul felt his insides quiver at the sound of his name. Following the example laid before him John Paul also spoke.

"Craig…" His voice cracked as the name fell from his lips.

And then they both knew. Without question or comment they had the answer to the question that had plagued them both for the last 24 hours.

Craig crossed the threshold and moved into the McQueen house with a single confident stride and his hands reached out to cup John Paul's face as the man moved forward to meet him.

The air seemed to crackle with electricity as their lips met in a kiss that had been building inside them both for the past 18 months.

John Paul pulled Craig tightly against him his body aching to feel the weight of Craig in his arms again. The taste and scent of Craig filled John Paul's head making his heart beat ever faster as his fingers clawed at the leather of Craig's jacket.

A need that he had long forgotten rose inside him.

Craig held on to John Paul as tightly as he could all fears of rejection pushed from his mind. All he could think of was how good it felt to hold John Paul again, to kiss him and to be here in his arms once more.

Finally breaking off the kiss John Paul stood back breathless, his face was flushed and his hands were shaking even more than when he had opened the door.

He should say something. He knew he should. Something. Anything.

Looking at Craig again, the taste of him fresh on his lips, John Paul realised that this was not the time for words. Words could come later.

Reaching out he took a gentle hold of Craig's hand, smiling as he discovered that it was shaking as much as his own, and turned to lead Craig upstairs.

John Paul's room had changed little since he was last here but Craig paid no attention to the décor as he shrugged his jacket to the ground before discarding the gaudily patterned blue cardigan he was wearing underneath it.

John Paul couldn't help but chuckle to himself as he saw the knitwear fall to the ground; it was good to know that some things stayed the same.

Craig's mouth tasted like heaven as it was pressed hard against the softness of John Paul's lips. John Paul's tongue slipped inside to explore savouring each inch.

Unable to undo his buttons fast enough Craig simply pulled John Paul's shirt open with a tearing sound as the buttons were ripped from their cotton moorings. But John Paul had no care for such matters as Craig mouth travelled the length of his neck, licking and nibbling as it went, moving down towards his exposed chest as Craig pushed his damaged shirt from his shoulders.

Never removing his mouth from the taste of John Paul's skin Craig eased his hands down over the smoothness of John Paul's sides, stroking the slight curve to his hips before moving to stoke his denim clad thighs.

John Paul whimpered as Craig's hands roamed over his body, his own hands sinking into the softness of Craig's hair as he lowered his face to kiss the top of Craig's head.

Craig's hands travelled upwards, pausing for a moment to caress the growing hardness in John Paul's jeans, before pulling at his belt to release John Paul's body from the restraints of his clothing.

Craig followed John Paul's jeans and underwear downwards as he pushed them to the floor, quickly throwing them to one side as John Paul stepped out of them together with his socks and shoes, until he was kneeling in front of the beautifully naked figure of his old lover.

John Paul dug his fingers into Craig's shoulders as Craig began to press kisses into the inside of his thighs, breathing in deeply as he went, pulling into his lungs the subtle scents of shower gel and John Paul skin and the altogether more heady fragrance of John Paul's desire.

John Paul's legs shook as Craig's tongue ran over his flesh, teasing for a moment over the length of his cock before moving on to taste the skin just below his belly button.

The sensation was a delightful torment and John Paul didn't know how much more of it he could stand, or how much longer he would be able to remain standing.

He cried out in surprise and pleasure as, without warning, Craig's mouth opened and took the head of his cock inside. He ran his fingers through Craig's hair as the heat of Craig's mouth covered him, his tongue swirling excitingly around that most sensitive area until John Paul thought he would explode.

As suddenly as Craig had taken John Paul into his mouth he pulled back rising to his feet and looking into John Paul's eyes with a smile, his own eyes alive with desire.

Craig kissed John Paul softly on the mouth and slowly walked him backwards towards the bed. John Paul felt the edge of the bed hit the back of his legs and, with a playful shove from Craig, he found himself seated on its edge.

Craig took little time in removing the remainder of his clothing, leaving it wherever it landed as he quickly climbed onto the bed, kneeling in its centre and pulling John Paul towards him.

Once again in the strong embrace of Craig's arms John Paul eagerly sought out the taste of his mouth as he held that firm body tightly against his own.

Their moans mingled together in their mouths as they moved their hips in unison causing a delightful friction of flesh to rub over their cocks that were pressed together between the heat of their bodies.

John Paul's hands ran over every inch of Craig's body that they could reach. He had forgotten how good Craig felt. How good it felt to be holding him and touching him. He had forgotten how good it felt to want somebody this much and to know that they wanted you just as badly. He had forgotten what it was to feel this alive.

"I want you so much," Craig breathed in his ear, his hands kneading at the soft flesh of John Paul's buttocks.

Reluctantly moving away from Craig's embrace for a second John Paul leaned over to his bedside cabinet and took a bottle from its top drawer. He handed the bottle to Craig before turning to face the wall at the head of the bed.

Craig needed no further invitation a quickly flipped the lid of the bottle of lube and coated his desperately aching cock with the silky liquid.

Leaning forward he sank his teeth into the flesh of John Paul's neck causing a gasp, which was quickly followed by another as John Paul felt the head of Craig's cock pushing against his body, softly but firmly as it eased its way inside.

Craig rested his hands on John Paul's hips as he guided himself deeper inside the man. Nothing had ever felt as good as being with John Paul, as being inside John Paul.

He pushed himself forward until every inch of his cock had been swallowed by the heat of John Paul's body, his fingers gripped onto the flesh at John Paul's hips as he began a slow steady rhythm moving inside the amazing body that he worshipped.

John Paul's breath shook as he felt himself being completely filled by Craig, moving deeper and deeper inside him, until he hit that magic spot deep inside that made John Paul cry out.

Craig slipped on hand around John Paul's body as he pressed kisses to his back and neck before curling his fingers around John Paul's cock, moving his hand in firm strokes in time to the sensuous movement of his hips.

The feeling of Craig inside him and holding him felt so that that it was almost unbearable. That he had been without this feeling for so long seemed unthinkable.

Craig's movements grew faster as his desire reached fever pitch. There was nobody on the planet that Craig had ever wanted more than John Paul and to be here with him again was like some wonderful dream.

John Paul bit down on his lip as Craig's grip tightened on his cock and his thrusts inside grew harder and faster, they both knew that this couldn't last much longer.

It was John Paul that cried out first as the touch of Craig's flesh finally brought him to climax, his cock pulsing in Craig's hand as he came with an intensity he couldn't remember ever having felt before.

John Paul's body shock and contracted around Craig's cock and it only took a few more thrusts inside him to bring Craig to a trembling orgasm, holding on to John Paul's body tightly as he came, certain that he never wanted to let go again.

They lay quietly as the cool winter air touched against their skin making them both shiver. Still neither of them seemed in any hurry to move or dress.

John Paul turned on to his side, resting his head on one hand; he looked at Craig with a smile.

"I never said welcome home!" He joked.

Craig traced a fingertip lazily over the soft arch of John Paul's mouth.

"If I'd know I would get that kind of welcome I would have come home sooner!"

John Paul's eyes dipped for a second before returning to Craig's.

"You might not have," he said honestly, "If you come home any earlier."

Craig nodded his understanding. They had both needed this time apart to discover just who they were and what they wanted.

Realising the mood was getting sombre John Paul sat upright.

"Tea?" He asked with a grin.

"Now you're talking," Craig replied enthusiastically, "Your tea is certainly one of the two things I've missed most about Hollyoaks."

"Really? What's the other?"

"You already know the answer to that," Craig told him as he sat upright and pressed a kiss against John Paul's cheek, "You!"

Craig cradled his mug of tea in his hands as he breathed in the warm steam. He hadn't been joking about John Paul's tea, it really was the best cuppa he had ever known.

He sipped at the hot liquid savouring the wonderfully familiar flavour.

John Paul placed his own mug down on the floor to allow the tea to cool.

"I'm glad you decided to come home," he said.

"Me too," Craig replied placing his own mug next to John Paul's with a clink of china, "It hadn't seemed right before… but this time…"

"I couldn't believe it when your mum called." John Paul shook his head remembering his amazement at the phone call.

"I was worried that you wouldn't want to see me."

"Did you really think I would turn you away?" John Paul rested his hand on Craig's knee, squeezing it lightly.

"I wasn't sure," Craig admitted, covering John Paul's hand with his own, "After what I did… I couldn't just expect…"

"I think we're both ready to put that behind us now," John Paul said as he lifted his mug from the floor and sipped at his tea. "It was another life-time."

Craig reached down to retrieve his own drink and raised it in front of his face.

"I'll drink to that," he said with a grin, "Cheers."

Holding their mugs as if they were the finest crystal glasses filled with champagne they clinked their teas together in celebration of their reunion.

Draining the last drops of tea Craig's eyes fell on his watch.

"Shit," he shouted jumping to his feet.

"What is it?"

"I've got to go… I promised my mum… she's got a big family meal planned…"

John Paul understood, some promises had to be kept.

"Call me later?"

"I don't have your number anymore."

"Oh.. right." John Paul felt a sudden hit of rejection.

"But I will have if you put it in here," Craig continued as he handed over his phone.

John Paul quickly input his number and handed the phone back, Craig's hand covering his for a second.

"I really have to go… but I'll call… as soon as I can."

John Paul reluctantly opened the front door to see Craig out.

"I nearly forgot," Craig before leaving, "I got you something."

He pulled a rectangular packet wrapped in Christmas paper from the inside pocket of his jacket and handed it to John Paul.

"I haven't had time… I didn't know you were… I've not…"

"It doesn't matter. Seeing you is all I needed."

Kissing John Paul one last time Craig turned and headed back to the Dog.

Leaning with his back against the door John Paul slipped the wrapping paper of the parcel in his hands. Its removal revealed a white cardboard box inside which was an elegantly simple silver picture frame.

John Paul smiled at the photograph in the frame. Two happy faces that he knew only too well. He had a similar picture tucked in a drawer in his room where he had moved it to when the sight of it had been too painful to bare.

A small slip of paper was tucked into the edge of the frame in Craig's neat writing, "Look at the back."

Turning the frame over in his hands John Paul saw an engraved metal plaque on its back. He ran his thumb over the words of the engraving as a tear trickled slowly down his cheek.

"Because I've always loved you."


	3. Chapter 3

John Paul lay back on his bed with a smile. He felt a contentment that he hadn't known in so long. Seeing Craig again the day before, being with him again, had felt more right than he had expected and it wasn't something he wanted to let go of this time if he could help it.

He took hold of the photo frame that he had placed by his bed and ran his fingers lightly over the glass. They had been so happy on the day that picture had been taken and maybe they could be again. Turning the frame over he touched the small engraved panel on the back, how could five words scratched into a piece of metal make him feel so alive?

John Paul jumped as the vibration of his phone against his thigh brought him back to the present. Lifting the phone he saw a number on its display that he didn't recognise. But he didn't need to recognise the number to know who was calling.

"Hello?"

"John Paul, hi." John Paul couldn't help but grin at the sound of Craig's voice on the other end of the line only a couple of days ago the thought of speaking to Craig again had seemed impossible.

"How did the meal with the family go?"

"Oh you know… mum, Jack, Steph, Jake, even Darren… all sat around a table together… it was hell!! So what are you doing today?"

"Nothing planned, why?"

"Fancy coming to the Dog for a pint and a catch up?"

John Paul laughed, "What you mean TALK?"

"Yeah," Craig said echoing John Paul's amusement, "I suppose we could do that too."

John Paul glanced at his watch, "See you in about half an hour?"

"Great I'll get you a drink in… oh and John Paul…"

"Yeah?"

"I…" Craig paused, he couldn't say it, he wanted to but he couldn't. He was suddenly unsure if it was too early… or too late.

John Paul listened to the sound of Craig's breath for a moment. He'd recognised that tone in Craig's voice, he'd heard it many times before.

"Me too," John Paul replied to Craig's unspoken words, "See you soon."

John Paul fell into the seat next to Craig and took the bottle of lager he offered.

"It's strange… being here again… with you," Craig said as he watched John Paul take a long drink from the bottle.

John Paul nodded, "I never thought we would be."

Craig cast his gaze around the pub, "The place hasn't changed. It's almost like I never went away."

"But you did," John Paul's voice was barely more than a whisper.

"I had to."

"I know."

John Paul took another drink.

"So how IS Trinity?" he asked with a smile in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"It's good," Craig replied enthusiastically, "Hard work… but really good."

"It's all you hope it would be then?"

"Yeah… I've learned a lot… about a lot of things."

"So… is there… anyone?" Both John Paul and Craig knew this conversation had to happen and John Paul was desperate to get it over with.

"There has been," Craig admitted, "Nothing serious… there was this one guy who…"

"GUY?" John Paul couldn't help the shock that crept into his voice. Did Craig "I'm not gay" Dean really just admit to a relationship with another man? John Paul felt jealousy clawing at him. He knew he had no right to that reaction, after all he'd had relationships since Craig left, but knowing that Craig chosen to be with a man again after all he had said felt like some kind of betrayal.

"I know," Craig was continuing, "I couldn't believe it… but he… he reminded me of you. I think I just wanted to know… to be certain."

"Certain of what?"

Craig took a deep breath, "If I was gay… if it was just with you…"

"And?"

Craig emptied his bottle before replying.

"It was OK at first… but when things started to move on… when he wanted to take things further… I couldn't do it. It just didn't feel right."

Craig looked into John Paul's eyes as he spoke, "It wasn't like it was with you. It's just you. It's only ever been you."

John Paul felt a satisfied relief. "I'm glad," he said without realising he had spoken out loud before turning his attention back to his drink to hide the flush of embarrassment that came to his cheeks.

"So what about you?" Craig asked, "Anyone swept you off your feet since I've been away?"

John Paul shook his head, "A couple of casual things… nothing long term… I'd just had my heart broken… I wasn't looking for anything more."

Craig swallowed down the familiar surge of guilt and rose to his feet. He pulled a pool cue from the rack and turned to John Paul with a challenging smile.

"Fancy a game?"

"Sure," John Paul said moving to his side, "But I should warn you… I've been playing a lot of pool this past year."

"Think you can take me do you?" Craig joked his voice dripping with innuendo.

John Paul couldn't help but laugh. "Maybe later," he replied with a wide smile, "How about I just thrash you at pool first?"

"Well if you're that certain you…" Craig's words died on his lips and his eyes darkened.

John Paul turned to follow his gaze until his eyes landed on the figure of Sarah standing a few feet away before taking an unconscious step closer to Craig.

Sarah came towards them. "I didn't know you were back."

"Just for Christmas," Craig's tone was flat, his eyes blank and expressionless.

Sarah looked from Craig to John Paul and back measuring their closeness in her steady gaze.

"It's good to see you two are friends again."

"No thanks to you," Craig snarled as he felt his temper rise. John Paul rested a hand on Craig's shoulder, possibly in a show of support or gesture of restraint, neither man was certain which.

"What do you want Sarah," John Paul asked her levelly.

"Nothing… look I just wanted to say… what I did… I'm sorry – really. But it's all in the past now. Can't we all just move on?"

"You cost me everything… I lost everything," Craig said taking a threatening step forward, "And now you expect me just to forgive and forget? Just get out of my face."

Sarah shrugged and turned to go, her eyes meeting John Paul's for a brief moment and then she was gone.

Craig was seething as John Paul turned back to him.

"I don't know how she could even talk to us after what she did."

John Paul ran his hand along the length of Craig's arm. "It wasn't ALL her," he said simply before moving over to the pool table.

"Come on," he called over to Craig, "Let me show you how this game is really played."

Less than an hour later John Paul was lining up his shot to win the third game in a row. Craig realised that his old friend hadn't been kidding when he said he'd been playing a lot of pool recently.

Deciding to resort to dirty tricks Craig waited until John Paul was about to shoot and then cleared his throat loudly.

John Paul didn't flinch as the cue hit the white ball smoothly which in turn sent the black sailing into the corner pocket. He stood up and looked at Craig with raised eyebrows, amusement evident in his eyes.

"You're STILL trying that old trick?" He asked with a laugh.

"WHAT?" Craig asked with mock innocence, "I just had a tickle in my throat is all."

"Course you did… it must be your round then. A nice cool drink should soothe that tickle!"

Craig smiled as he headed to the bar for more drinks. After an awkwardness between them earlier he now felt comfortable with John Paul again. It was as if the last 18 months had been wiped from their memories and they could take up their relationship from that wonderful place it had been before his stupidity had ruined things. Except, of course, for the fact that he would be heading back to Ireland in a few days time, but he was trying desperately not to think about that just yet.

John Paul was racking up the balls again when Craig returned.

"Another game, or have you been thrashed enough for one day?" John Paul asked.

"Bring it on," Craig replied confidently, he still had one or two more tricks up his sleeve yet.

"You want to break?"

"Sure."

Craig took a drink from his bottle before placing it on the table and grabbing his pool cue. Lining up his shot he struck firmly at the white sending it careering into the nest of coloured balls at the end of the table separating them across the felt, but not one of them fell into a pocket.

He stepped back as John Paul leaned over to take his first shot. Potting a coloured ball easily John Paul lined up for his second and then third, sending them both sailing into the pockets.

Craig sighed. There really was no way he was ever going to win, at least not fairly. And as John Paul seemed immune to his usual style of distraction Craig decided that he would have to try something new.

John Paul leaned across the table to reach the white ball that had come to rest in a difficult position. As he stretched over to it he didn't notice Craig step quietly behind him.

As John Paul lined up his shot Craig leant forward to whisper into his ear.

"Have you got any idea how hot you look leaning over the table like that?"

John Paul's cue caught the edge of the white ball causing it to spin off in the wrong direction.

"Dirty trick Dean," he said as he moved back from the table.

Craig smiled. "Just telling the truth," he said as he walked forward to take his shot.

Craig was jubilant as he managed to pot a ball before totally missing the second and having to relinquish the table back to John Paul.

John Paul leant in to take another shot before standing upright and looking over at Craig.

"This time you stay on THAT side of the table," he said firmly.

"Of course," Craig replied with mock innocence.

As John Paul leant back over the table Craig crouched down at the other end so that he was in John Paul's direct eye line.

Pulling back his arm to take a shot John Paul couldn't prevent his gaze from flicking up to meet the steady brown stare of Craig's eyes.

He felt his hand shake slightly and had to force himself to concentrate on taking his shot.

"But seriously," Craig said softly as John Paul turned his attention back to his cue, "if there weren't so many people in here I would show you just how good I think you looked bending over the table like that."

Once again John Paul's shot went wide but he just couldn't seem to care about it.

"You are a terrible man Craig Dean," John Paul said as he laid his cue down on the edge of the table and walked around to where Craig was rising to his feet.

"What, I can't even give you a compliment now?" He asked running his hand lightly over John Paul's arm.

"Is that what it was?" John Paul asked, his breath slightly shaky and his jeans beginning to feel a touch too tight.

"What else would it be?"

"I'm sure I don't know."

Craig moved a step closer until John Paul could feel his warm breath against his face. He ran his tongue lightly over his lips, unable to take his eyes from the soft curve of Craig's mouth.

"Come upstairs and I'll show you," the soft tone of Craig's voice sent shivers down John Paul's spine.

John Paul cast his eyes around the bar.

"It's OK," Craig reassured him as he followed the path of his eyes to Frankie and Jack behind the bar, "It's too busy in here for either of them to take a break any time soon."

John Paul nodded with a smile. The bar certainly was busy during this festive period and the lure of joining Craig upstairs was too good an opportunity to resist.

After the noise and bustle of the bar there was an unusual air of calm as they entered the living space above the Dog.

Craig had taken hold of John Paul's hand as they moved from the public to the private area of the pub and he held it tightly as he pushed open the door to his room.

"I guess I should have tidied up," Craig said apologetically as he realised the mess he had left his room in.

John Paul just laughed at the sight of the opened suitcase with clothes scattered over the floor and more strewn across every possible surface.

"It doesn't matter," John Paul told him, "I didn't come here to admire your cleaning skills."

"No?" Craig replied pushing the door closed behind him, "So what did you come here for?"

John Paul moved towards him until they were merely inches apart. He could feel the heat from Craig's body and, as he breathed deeply, he took in the aroma of Craig's aftershave mingled with the scent of his skin.

Craig lips were parted slightly and John Paul couldn't tear his eyes from them. "For you," he said.

Craig drew a fingertip over John Paul's face. Tracing the soft curve of his cheek, over the temptation of his lips and the angle of his chin before trailing slowly down his neck.

"You're so beautiful," Craig said tenderly, "I don't think I've ever told you that before."

"Craig…" John Paul felt a blush rise to his cheeks, embarrassed at being described in such a way, but at the same time Craig's words caressed him as surely as the touch of his fingertips.

"I mean it," Craig told him, his hands seeming to melt away the buttons of John Paul's shirt. "And I don't just mean here," he said returning his touch to John Paul's face, stroking lightly at the softness of his skin, "You're beautiful here as well." Craig's hand moved to John Paul's chest resting over his heart. "I'll never forgive myself for hurting you," Craig continued, his voice hushed with emotion and his eyes lowered, "You deserve so much better."

John Paul placed a finger under Craig's chin to lift his gaze upwards. He was startled to see tears in Craig's soft brown eyes and his heart ached at the pain he knew that Craig was causing himself.

"It doesn't matter anymore," he said cradling Craig's face in the warmth of his hands, "It's over with… and we're still here. I'm still here."

"I can't lose you again."

"You won't… not this time…"

"But… but what if I do something… say something… what if I mess up again," Craig's eyes were filled with self-doubt.

"Craig I've just spent 18 months without you," John Paul said still holding on to Craig's face, "I can't think of anything that would make me want to go through that again."

Craig smiled, reassured by John Paul's words, by his touch and by the look in his stunning blue eyes.

"I didn't realise how much I loved you until you weren't there…" Craig said as he eased John Paul's shirt from his shoulder immediately missing the warmth of John Paul's hands against his face, "Or how much I would still love you when I came back… how much I would still need you."

"Loving you is the one thing I've always been certain of," John Paul replied, "And I know I can cope with anything as long as I've got that."

Craig ran his hands over the smoothness of John Paul's chest and felt the racing of his heart beneath the warm skin a mirror of his own rapid heartbeat.

"I love you so much," Craig breathed as he pulled John Paul against him, touching his lips to the sensuous warmth of John Paul's mouth, sharing a kiss born out of love that soon deepened into one of great need and desire.

Craig's hands moved over John Paul's back as they kissed, stroking his skin and journeying down towards the denim covered flesh below.

John Paul pushed his hands underneath Craig's jumper raising them slowly to pull the garment from over his head and dropping it to the ground amidst the other clothes scattered there.

Lowering his face to Craig's exposed chest John Paul pressed his mouth against the bare flesh tasting the familiar flavour of Craig's skin.

Craig closed his eyes as John Paul's mouth travelled over his body covering every available inch with kisses. He stroked his fingers gently through John Paul's hair. Nothing ever felt as good as being with this beautiful person, nothing had ever made his heart feel so full as knowing he was loved this completely and that he was wanted this wholly.

As John Paul's mouth returned to his Craig kissed him with unreserved desperation, his love and his need making every inch of him ache for John Paul's touch.

Craig quickly undid the fastening to John Paul's jeans, his hand slipping easily inside the denim covering and the soft cotton boxers beneath.

John Paul was hard beneath his touch and his hands gripped onto Craig's hips as Craig's fingers curled around him lightly.

Craig's tongue eased its way between John Paul's lips eager to taste as much of him as he could manage as his grip on John Paul's cock tightened causing a deep rumble of pleasure in John Paul's throat.

John Paul let go of Craig's hips, his hands brushing over his thighs and up over the growing hardness between them before slipping open the buttons of his jeans and pushing them, and the underwear beneath, down far enough to allow his full erection to spring free from its constraints.

John Paul pulled back from their kiss to stare into Craig's eyes as he ran the tips of his fingers over the length of Craig's cock and drew his thumb in lazy circles over its head. Craig's eyes widened at the teasing touch as his pupils dilated with desire. Nobody had ever known how to touch him like John Paul did or how to drive him to distraction with such little effort.

John Paul lowered his mouth back to Craig's skin, nibbling softly at his neck before running his tongue down over his shoulder blade and then pausing to circle slowly over his nipple, which grew hard as John Paul gripped it lightly between his teeth.

As his mouth explored Craig's chest his fingers never ceased in their torment of his desperate cock. John Paul continued his light strokes and gentle caresses never quite gripping or giving Craig's the relief he was aching for.

"John Paul… please…" Craig's voice shook as he spoke.

John Paul couldn't help but smile as he ran kisses lower down Craig's chest reluctantly allowing his own cock to slip from the reach of Craig's grip. The need in Craig's voice was obvious and the fact that John Paul created that need was a satisfaction of its own. But there was a deeper satisfaction that they both wanted, that they were both craving.

Sinking to his knees on the carpet John Paul pulled Craig's jeans to the floor before running his hands up the soft skin of his thighs.

John Paul took a moment to look up into Craig's face, his eyes were half closed and his lips were parted allowing soft panting breaths to escape.

John Paul's hands ran over Craig's belly and down into the soft hair below, finally wrapping around the hardness of Craig's cock, causing Craig to cry out and grip onto John Paul's shoulders to steady himself.

Craig's grip tightened as he felt John Paul's breath against his sensitive skin, the tip of his tongue circling over the head of Craig's cock before guiding it into the welcome heat of John Paul's lips.

His hand and mouth moving in time John Paul took Craig deeply into his mouth, his tongue tasting every inch as he moved forward onto it.

Craig whimpered as John Paul sucked him into his mouth, his hand clamped tightly around the base of his cock, the combined heat of his mouth and tightness of his grip taking Craig to the edge and threatening to push him over at any second.

"God John Paul…" The trembling in Craig's voice matched that which flowed through his body, all other words seemed lost to him but he just wanted to hear that name again, to say it again after being without him for so long.

"John Paul… I…" Craig breathed the name again as John Paul moved faster against his pulsing cock taking him to a place far beyond pleasure.

John Paul began to suck harder against the hardness in his mouth as he felt the first drops of Craig's desire spill out of him. The increased pressure against his cock caused such physical excitement to run through Craig's body that he could hold back no longer and he cried out as his climax boiled over into John Paul's mouth. A mouth that didn't let him go until Craig was completely spent and sank to his knees joining John Paul on the carpet.

"God you're too good at that," Craig said in a breathless gasp.

"I hope that wasn't a complaint," John Paul joked.

"Never," Craig replied rising upright on his knees and pulling John Paul towards him. "Never," he repeated before leaning in to taste himself in the sweetness of John Paul's mouth.

Craig rested his hands against John Paul's thighs as he kissed him, surprised to realise that they were still covered in denim.

"You should really take those off," Craig said as his eyes flicked over John Paul's jeans.

"You think?" John Paul said with a grin as he pushed himself upright.

"Definitely," Craig affirmed as he pulled the offending clothing to the ground before rising to his feet.

John Paul laughed as he removed the last of his clothing, smiling as he saw Craig doing the same.

Once completely naked John Paul pulled Craig up against him, his cock still hard pressed into Craig's belly as John Paul wrapped Craig in his arms and kissed him deeply.

Stepping out of the embrace Craig took John Paul's hand and lead him over to the bed. Lying back against the softness of the mattress Craig held out his arms inviting John Paul to join him.

John Paul knelt between Craig's legs his eyes drinking in the beauty of the naked body below him. Craig slipped his hand under the pillow and brought out a small bottle in his grip, something that John Paul clearly remembered doing so long ago.

John Paul took a moment to consider if he should be offended that Craig had been so sure of himself or glad that he had been prepared before taking the bottle and pouring some of it's oily contents over his cock.

Craig raised his hips as John Paul lowered himself against his body, guiding his cock into place and pushing gently against Craig until he felt Craig's body open up and allow him access.

Craig's fingers gripped onto John Paul's flesh as he felt John Paul push deeper inside him, the initial discomfort quickly forgotten as John Paul's mouth covered his and his cock filled Craig completely.

As soon as John Paul started to move inside Craig he knew that he wouldn't be able to enjoy the sensation of him for long as he already ached for release and the feeling of Craig tight and hot around his cock was too much to resist.

His tongue pushed into Craig's mouth as the speed of his hips increased, pushing him harder and faster into Craig until all the pleasure of the world seemed to be contained in the passion between them.

John Paul moaned into Craig's mouth as he felt him orgasm begin to build inside him. Craig gripped him tightly raising himself to meet John Paul's thrusts urging him on until he could resist no longer.

Crying out Craig's name John Paul came hard and fast, his body shaking as he pushed into Craig one last time filling the man with his desire before collapsing onto him exhausted.

Craig rested his head against John Paul's shoulder.

"You'd like Ireland you know," he said suddenly.

"Yeah? You think so?"

"I do, it'd suit you."

Raising himself up on one elbow Craig looked down on the contented feature of John Paul.

"You could come and stay with me," he said.

"Is that an invitation?" John Paul asked.

"I don't want to be away from you again," Craig told him, "Come back to Ireland with me."

"You could always stay here."

Craig shook his head. "I'm too far into my course to quit… I couldn't just…" the words died on his lips as he realised what he was saying. "And you can't just walk out on yours either can you?"

John Paul pressed his palm softly against Craig's face. "I can't," he agreed, "I have to stay here and you have to go back. But this isn't like last time… and it isn't forever."

Craig leaned his head back against John Paul's shoulder. "I suppose we'd better make the most of the next few days then."

John Paul didn't want to think about Craig leaving but he knew it was unavoidable and, as the festive holiday sped past, his departure came ever closer. "What day do you go back?"

"My travel's booked for the first of January," Craig told him sadly.

"The first? But…"

"I have to be in work on the second," Craig sighed, "I'd agreed to do it before… before I knew I was coming home… before I knew I had something to stay for."

John Paul pulled Craig into his arms and pressed his lips against the top of Craig's head. "At least we've got another week before you leave," he said, "It's more than I expected to have this Christmas."

Craig snuggled deeper into John Paul's embrace with a comfortable sigh. He was certainly having a far better Christmas than he'd expected as well.


	4. Chapter 4

The Christmas period seemed to speed by all to quickly. Both John Paul and Craig regretted their promises to stay with their families on Christmas day and, after a day spent with mobile phones constantly in their grips, both mothers had commented that they might as well have been together anyway.

Arranging to meet in the quietness of the Dog on Boxing Day John Paul arrived early to find Craig nowhere to be seen.

Getting himself a drink at the bar he looked around the room and was surprised as his eyes settled on Spike sat alone at the far end of the room.

John Paul hesitated for a moment. He hadn't really spoken to Spike since they'd broken up but, as Spike raised a hand in greeting, it seemed wrong not to go over and say hello.

Spike smiled warmly as John Paul settled into the seat next to him.

"Hey," he said, "How've you been?"

"Good… you?"

"Not bad," Spike said, "I heard Craig's back…"

"Yeah… just for Christmas," John Paul felt a moments discomfort discussing Craig with Spike but Spike didn't seem to notice.

"So how you handling that? After what he did?"

"It's OK… we're… we got past it… we're OK."

Spike raised an eyebrow in surprise, "You've given him another chance?"

"I had to… in the end… I…" John Paul fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat.

"You still love him?"

"Yeah," John Paul admitted, "I don't know how not to."

Spike nodded his understanding as he took a long drink from the bottle in his hand.

"So how about you?" John Paul asked, "Seeing anyone."

Spike's face broke into a wide smile, "Well actually there is someone… another DJ as it happens."

"Not blonde with blue eyes is he," John Paul laughed.

"Blonde yeah," Spike admitted, "But green eyes."

"I'm really pleased for you… is it serious?" John Paul felt genuine happiness that Spike had found someone; he still regretted how badly he had treated the man.

"Pretty serious," Spike said, "He's just moved in with me."

"I'm made up for you," John Paul said pulling Spike in for a hug, "I hope you're really happy together."

Spike returned John Paul's embrace. "Thanks," he said, "I hope things work out with you and Craig too."

"This time I think they will," John Paul said confidently as he sat back in his seat just in time to catch a glimpse of Craig across the other side of the bar staring at him.

The smile on John Paul's face widened as he raised his hand to beckon Craig to join them but instead Craig turned and walked quickly out of the pub.

John Paul frowned for a moment until he realised what Craig saw, or rather what Craig THOUGHT he saw.

"I have to go," he said standing quickly and following Craig out of the door without a backward glance to Spike.

John Paul pulled up the collar of his jacket as he stepped outside. What had been a light drizzle when he arrived was quickly turning heavier.

"Craig!" John Paul shouted to the back of the retreating man, "Wait…"

Craig didn't stop or turn around making John Paul run after him and grabbing on to his shoulder.

"Wait," he repeated, "Please…"

Craig stopped and allowed John Paul to turn him around the look in his eyes causing a sharp pain to cut through John Paul's chest.

"It's not what you think," John Paul said softly.

"I understand," Craig replied, "I mean it's all I deserve…"

"No," John Paul told him, "D'you really think I would do that… to you?"

"We did it to him."

"But I love you," John Paul said simply catching hold of Craig's hands, "I love you…"

"But you were…" Confusion and hope battled over Craig features.

"I was wishing him well… with his new boyfriend."

"Oh," Craig looked down at his feet sheepishly, "I just thought that maybe… after what I did…"

"You think I would try and get my own back?" John Paul shook his head sadly, "Don't you know me better than that?"

"I'm sorry," Craig said lifting his eyes back to John Paul's face, "I'm just so scared of losing you… I…" He shrugged not knowing what else he could say. "I'm sorry."

John Paul laughed lightly as he pressed his hand against Craig's face; his skin was cold and wet with the rain.

"You're an idiot Craig Dean," he said, "It's a good job I love you so much."

"I am," Craig agreed as John Paul leaned forward to kiss him.

John Paul's mouth felt warm against Craig's and the arms that wrapped around him were strong and confident.

Craig's hands gripped tightly to the back of John Paul's jacket, the material was damp in his grasp as he held on as hard as he could.

As their kiss deepened neither man noticed as the rain began to fall heavier, plastering their hair down with its heavy drops and running in rivulets over their faces. They didn't feel the cold of the wind as it whirled around them, they were completely oblivious to the fact that they were stood together in what was quickly becoming a torrential downpour. All they knew was that they were together and they had no intention of letting anything come between them, least of all the weather.

As they kissed they never noticed the figure of Spike stood in the doorway to the Dog with a look of sadness in his eyes, watching them for a moment before pulling his jacket tightly around himself and heading back to his empty flat alone.

---

John Paul sat slumped in the window of the Dog with his head resting against the glass.

"It's too soon," he said sadly, "I need more time."

"Me too," Craig agreed equally morosely, "I've only just got here and now…"

John Paul turned his face to Craig, "Do you really have to go… no don't answer that… I know you do… I just wish you didn't."

"OK everybody it's time!" Jack's voice was raised over the noise of the bar. He turned up the radio as the countdown began, staff and customers alike joining in as the seconds ticked away.

"Ten… nine… eight… seven… six… five… four… three… two… one… HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Cheers resounded around the room as party poppers were let off and everyone joined their hands to sing Auld Lang Syne.

John Paul and Craig turned to face each other. It was New Years Day. January the first. It was the day that Craig was to leave again for Ireland.

Over the previous days they had been almost inseparable, spending every moment that they could together, rebuilding their relationship until it was something far greater than the one they had lost. But as their feelings for each other grew, deeper than either of them ever thought they could, so did the pain at the thought of being apart again.

"Happy New Year John Paul," Craig said with a sigh.

"Happy New Year," John Paul replied.

Craig slipped his hand around John Paul's neck and pulled him close, kissing him softly. The first kiss of the New Year but not the last.

As they parted John Paul's eyes widened in surprise and a look of amazement played across his face.

"What?" Craig asked him bewildered.

"You just kissed me."

"It's hardly the first time!"

"In public," John Paul elaborated, "In a crowded bar… in front of everyone…"

Craig looked around as if aware for the first time that he was not alone with John Paul.

Despite the depth of his feelings Craig had always struggled to display his affection for John Paul when other people were around. Opting instead for a secret touch or a knowing look and saving anything more physical for when they were alone.

On the other John Paul had found it a constant struggle not to hold Craig and kiss him at every opportunity. He had to force himself on many occasions to hold back and respect Craig's insecurities, hoping that one day Craig would be as comfortable with their relationship as he was.

With a smile Craig rose to his feet, holding onto John Paul's hands and pulling him up after him.

"I don't care," Craig declared as he lead John Paul into the middle of the busy bar, "I don't care who sees and I don't care who knows."

John Paul couldn't help but laugh as Craig lead him deeper into crowd of party-goers, unsure of what Craig was doing but enjoying this sudden burst of confidence.

Surrounded by people on every side Craig stopped and turned back to John Paul, his eyes were sparkling with mischief. But it wasn't just mischief that John Paul could see in the brightness of Craig's eyes. They also shone with love.

Craig placed his hands on John Paul's arms, running them lightly upwards until they came to rest on his shoulders, never taking his eyes from John Paul's face for a second.

A few nearby people stopped to observe the two young men standing in the middle of them and one of them was Frankie Osbourne.

"I love you," Craig said softly, his voice barely audible over the bar's music, "And I don't care who knows it… in fact I want the world to know it."

John Paul laughed as he decided that it was quite possible Craig had gone insane, but it was an insanity that he could easily live with.

"John Paul McQueen," Craig said loudly causing more people to turn and look, "I love you!"

John Paul felt a flush rise to his cheeks. "You're crazy," he laughed.

"Maybe I am," Craig conceded at a more normal volume, "But I do love you."

"I love you too you idiot," John Paul replied as Craig moved into his arms, their lips joining together in their second kiss of the year. A kiss that bound them together in a way that nothing ever had before.

They didn't hear the few disgruntled tutts as they kissed, or see the occasional disapproving look. Nor did they see Frankie Osbourne walking back to her husband with a simple smile on her lips. This wasn't the life she would have chosen for her youngest son but the happiness in him was so evident, how could she do anything but support him?

---

The iron railing felt cold under John Paul's hands as he stood outside the Dog enjoying the fresh air blowing lightly against his skin.

The party inside was beginning to die down an hour past midnight as the pub's customers began to make their way home.

The occasional flash of a last minute firework streaked brightly across the darkness of the sky but otherwise John Paul felt an air calm wrapped around him.

"I wondered where you'd got to," Craig's voice said from behind him.

"Sorry," John Paul answered turning his head, "I only meant to be a minute but it's just so peaceful out here, I lost track of time."

Craig slipped his arms around John Paul's waist and rested his head on the man's shoulder.

"What are you looking at?"

John Paul gestured to the inky sky that seemed to be scattered with a display of diamonds.

"There's so much out there," he said quietly, "It makes you realise how small you are... how unimportant."

Craig tightened his grip, "Not to me you're not."

John Paul smiled, covering Craig's arms with his own and resting his head back against the one leaning on his shoulder.

"It's strange to think they're the same stars I'll see in Ireland," Craig said wistfully.

"Maybe you'll think of me when you see them," John Paul replied.

"D'you think that I'll ever stop thinking of you?"

"I hope not."

There was a tranquil silence as the two men stood together in the first hour of the New Year holding on to each other while they still could.

"You will come over to see me in Ireland won't you?" Craig asked after a while.

"If you really want me there."

"Of course, I want to show you off!"

John Paul turned to face Craig. "Show me off?" he asked surprised.

"Yeah," Craig said with a grin, "There's no one as beautiful as you over there!"

John Paul let out a laugh of embarrassment as Craig ran a finger over the arch of his eyebrow, trailing it down to stroke across his cheekbone.

"I could spend the rest of my life just looking in your eyes and never get bored," Craig breathed staring deeply into the overwhelming brilliance of John Paul's gaze.

"When did you get to be such a romantic?"

"When I realised that I don't ever want to lose you again."

"Keep it up," John Paul said with a smile, "I like it!"

Craig ran his hands slowly down the length of John Paul's arms and took hold of his hands, curling their fingers together in a gentle grip.

"Stay with me tonight," he asked softly.

"Here?" John Paul asked, "Your mum… she won't…"

"She'll understand," Craig reassured him, "We don't have much time left. I want to be with you as much as I can. Don't make me be alone tonight."

John Paul tightened his hold on Craig's hands. "I want to be with you too," he said, "We'll both be alone enough when you've gone."

Craig stepped back, keeping hold of one of John Paul's hands he lead the man back into the Dog and headed straight for the door that lead up to the flat.

"I've shared you enough tonight," he told John Paul, "Now I want you all to myself."

---

The warmth of the duvet above him, Craig's arms around him and the alcohol that he had consumed during the party were making sleep tug at John Paul's mind.

He was so wrapped in comfort that drifting off to sleep would have been the most natural thing in the world but instead he fought it with every ounce of strength that he had. There were only a few hours left until Craig was due to leave and he didn't want to waste any of them sleeping.

Craig's fingers were running lazily through John Paul's hair causing him to sigh with total contentment while John Paul's hand rested on Craig's chest feeling the steady drumming of his heart.

John Paul smiled as he realised that this was the first time he had shared a bed with Craig just to be with him, just to hold him while he still could, just to be together a little while longer.

"Tell me something," John Paul murmured lazily as he pressed a kiss to Craig's chest.

"Tell you what?" Craig asked.

"Something… anything… something you've never told me before."

"There isn't… I can't think of anything."

"Oh come on… there must be something… tell me… tell me what you did your first week in Ireland."

"I didn't… there wasn't… nothing… I didn't do anything…"

There was something about Craig's tone that made John Paul look up.

"You just got to Ireland and did nothing?" he asked.

"Well no… I mean I did STUFF… I moved into the bed sit I was renting and started working at the pub that Jack helped me get a job at… but nothing much else." Craig seemed unable to look John Paul in the eye and his words seemed evasive, making John Paul all the more curious.

"Nothing?" John Paul asked again, "You went nowhere, did nothing, met no one?"

He felt Craig flinch at the words "met no one".

"No… I mean… it doesn't matter…" Craig squirmed uncomfortably desperate for John Paul to drop the subject.

"Craig please… I know there's something… just tell me…"

"I can't," Craig's arm that had been resting lightly around John Paul tightened, holding him closely as if afraid he might try to leave, "You wouldn't understand… you might hate me…"

"I could never hate you… no matter what it is… you should know that by now," John Paul curled his fingers into Craig's, "Please Craig, whatever it is it can't be that bad… just tell me… you've got me worried now."

Craig paused for a few seconds before taking a deep breath.

"OK," he began, "A few days after I arrived I decided to go out for a few drinks. I was feeling lonely. I was missing you… god I was missing you so much…"

"So you went out and got drunk?"

"Yeah… a lot. There were times I couldn't even remember what I'd done or how I got home… anything."

"Well that's not so terrible," John Paul reassured him, "We've all done that."

"And there were times…" Craig licked his lips nervously, "There were times when I didn't get home at all."

"So where did you…. Oh!"

"The first time… when I woke up in a bed I didn't know, with someone I didn't recognise, I swore it wouldn't happen again… but it did…"

John Paul tightened his hold on Craig's hand. "How many?"

"I'm not sure… I was confused… desperate… I needed SOMETHING…"

"Was it…" John Paul bit down on his lip, "was it men or women?"

"Either," Craig admitted, "It didn't seem to matter… I didn't seem to matter. I shouldn't have told you should I?"

"And when you got home would you stand in the shower just trying to get clean?" John Paul asked, "But you'd still feel dirty… and empty… and more alone than when you went looking for someone to take the emptiness away?"

Craig eyes widened in surprise. "How could you know that?"

"Oh Craig," John Paul said gently as he pressed a soft kiss against his cheek, "You weren't the only one who was lonely. You weren't the only one who needed to feel loved again. You weren't the only one who drank too much and made stupid choices. I guess we are even more alike than we thought."

"I never imagined that you…" Craig squeezed John Paul tightly, "I never want to feel that alone again."

"And you never have to," John Paul told him, "Neither of us do."


	5. Chapter 5

"Craig… Craig are you awake?" Frankie Osbourne tapped on Craig's bedroom door. "You really need to be getting up your train leaves in a couple of hours."

"Mmmmm," Craig murmured into his pillow, "Yeah… I'm awake."

Turning over in his bed Craig half opened his bleary eyes and began to smile as the face of John Paul gradually came into focus.

"I guess we fell asleep," John Paul said touching his fingertips to Craig's sleepy face.

"I guess we did." Craig agreed as he wriggled closer to John Paul nestling his way into the arms that were held open for him.

They had talked long into the early hours of the morning, breaking down any barriers still left between them as they admitted their hopes and fears for the future and leaving them feeling as if they knew each other better than they knew themselves.

"This is it then," John Paul said with a touch of sadness.

"We've still got a couple of hours," Craig replied before suddenly throwing back the duvet and leaping from the bed.

John Paul looked on in amusement at Craig's sudden burst of energy. Grabbing a dressing gown Craig slipped it over his arms before throwing another at John Paul.

"Come on," he said with a grin.

"What? Where?"

"It's morning," Craig said stating the obvious, "Time for a shower."

"We can't," John Paul said as he pulled the dressing gown around himself, "Not when everybody's home."

Craig simply shrugged as he opened his bedroom door a fraction. "Coast's clear," he said as he grabbed John Paul's hand, "Come on."

They were both laughing as Craig turned the lock on the bathroom door before shrugging his dressing gown to the floor. John Paul stepped forward, touching his hand gently to the warmth of Craig's chest, his eyes following the path of his fingers before lifting them to Craig's to see a love in them that made him want to laugh and cry at the same time.

"Tell me that you love me," John Paul asked quietly.

"I do," Craig told him, "I love you… more than I ever knew I could."

John Paul's hand slid over Craig's chest to slip behind his neck as he leaned forward to share the kiss of their last morning together.

A knock at the door made John Paul jump back in surprise.

"Is that you Craig," Frankie called.

"Yeah mum it's me."

"Just making sure you were up."

"Yeah I'm up… I'm gonna have a shower."

"What about John Paul, does he need another call."

Craig couldn't help the wide smile that spread across his face as his mum asked about John Paul in such a relaxed way.

"No he's fine mum," Craig called back as he grabbed the tie to John Paul's dressing gown and pulled it open, "We'll both be down in a bit."

"OK then… I'll put some breakfast on."

John Paul laughed as Craig tugged on his dressing gown causing him to move forwards until he was standing only inches from Craig.

"I can't believe you!" John Paul said.

"What?" Craig asked in mock innocence, "I was only telling the truth." Craig slowly pushed John Paul's dressing gown from his shoulders, "You ARE fine!"

Craig ran his eyes over John Paul's naked body causing John Paul to tremble inside as if he had just been touched.

"Come on then," Craig said as he took John Paul's hand again and lead him towards the shower. He held his hand under the flow of water until it reached a comfortable temperature and then stepped under in, moving back to make room as John Paul joined him.

John Paul turned his face into the warm caress of the water, savouring the sensation as it ran across his skin, trickling over his back and chest and running pleasantly down his thighs.

Craig stood silent, mesmerised by the sight of his lover standing under the running water, he couldn't stop his eyes from following the droplets of water as they trailed down the length of John Paul exquisite frame.

John Paul wiped the water from his face as he turned to look at Craig, pleased to notice that sharing a shower was having the same effect on him as it was on John Paul.

Craig took hold of a bottle of shower gel, squeezing some into his hands, he rubbed it over John Paul's chest, moving his hands in circles as the gel built into a lather that Craig began to spread further and further over John Paul's body.

John Paul sighed as Craig's touch moved over his flesh making him ache for more but Craig's hands against his skin felt so good that he had no real desire to rush them. He didn't realise that he had taken a step backwards until he felt the cool of the tiles against his back, letting himself relax against the wall John Paul pulled Craig against him, their bodies slick with water and the soap between their chests.

His mouth was hungry as it tasted Craig's; their lips were locked tightly together as the water continued to run over their faces and they held onto each other in an embrace that would keep them warm once they were apart.

Moving back from the kiss Craig shook his head wildly, laughing as droplets of water were sent flying in every direction. Joining his laughter John Paul took hold of the shower gel and, pointing it at Craig like a gun, he squeezed hard sending a flow of the thick liquid shooting over Craig's chest and then slowly trickling down towards his groin.

Craig let his eyes fall to the shower gel coating his body for a moment and then looked at John Paul with raised eyebrows.

John Paul's tongue slipped between his lips for a second, something that he did often and yet still made Craig want to take hold of him and taste him again.

Reaching his hands to Craig's chest John Paul began to mix the shower gel into the steady flow of water, easing the lather over Craig's shoulders and arms, pushing it down over his hips and across his thighs. Craig gasped as John Paul's hand passed over his cock making it twitch in anticipation but instead John Paul's hands moved away and snaked around Craig's back.

Craig's eyes were wide with need as he looked into the mysteriously beautiful blue pools of John Paul's. He didn't know how he would cope without being able to look into those eyes every day.

Tightening his grip around Craig's waist John Paul held him close, pressing kisses over his cheek and down his neck before biting lightly on the damp skin beneath his mouth. Craig murmured his pleasure as John Paul bit him a little harder and pressed his body against Craig's a little closer.

Craig felt the firmness of John Paul's cock pushing into his belly; much as his own was doing against John Paul. He moved his body in a slow rolling motion causing a wonderful slippery friction between them making them both moan with pleasure and press their bodies together harder.

"Craig…" John Paul's voice was hoarse as Craig's name slipped from his lips.

Craig eased his hand between their bodies and ran his fingers over the length of John Paul's cock. His hand slid easily over the soapy flesh as it moved in a slow deliberate motion.

"God Craig…" John Paul knew that nothing in the world could ever feel as good as Craig's touch and that he would never feel as complete as he did in Craig's arms.

John Paul's fingers sank into the flesh of Craig's shoulders as Craig continued to caress his cock, running his hand over it's entire length before pausing to run his thumb in a teasing circle over it's head.

Relaxing his grip on John Paul for a second Craig widened his hand and, when his grip tightened again, John Paul felt the additional sensation of Craig's hard cock pressed against his own as Craig moved his hand over them both in unison, sharing the pleasure he was giving to John Paul.

John Paul cupped Craig's face in his hands, kissing him deeply as Craig's touch continued to excite him, he pushed his tongue into the heat of Craig's mouth exploring every inch of him that he could reach, his body shaking as the movement along his cock pressed firmly against Craig's was almost unbearable.

Craig marvelled at the feeling of holding his own cock tight against John Paul's, feeling them both throb in his palm as the need in them increased. John Paul's tongue inside his mouth swirled against his as John Paul's hands held on to him tightly.

Craig could feel the pressure between them building as he increased the speed of his stokes, the sounds of John Paul's moans that vibrated through his mouth urging him to go faster, to hold on tighter, to give them both what they wanted.

He felt the pulsing of John Paul's cock almost at the same time as he felt his own climax begin to build inside him.

John Paul broke away from their kiss, his breath coming in short gasps, as the pressure inside his body became too intense to withstand and, as he held on to Craig, he felt his whole body shake as he came, whispering Craig's name as his orgasm rolled over him, spilling over Craig's hand and covering his cock with its passion.

Craig could hold back no longer and, even before John Paul had regained his breath, Craig's own climax exploded from him as he cried out, the heat from his body pouring over his hand to mix with John Paul's as Craig held their cocks together until they were both totally spent and they rested their head together with satisfied smiles.

They stood silently for a few minutes allowing the water to run over their bodies until Craig had to admit with a sad defeat that the time had come for them to go.

"I think breakfast might be cold," Craig said as wrapped a large bath towel around himself.

"That's OK," John Paul told him pulling his dressing gown back on, "It wasn't food I was hungry for this morning anyway."

Craig kissed John Paul again before he went to the bathroom door and opened it a fraction to peer out.

"Morning Craig!" Steph called as she passed by the door.

Craig stepped back in surprise. "Oh… yeah… morning Steph..." he stammered in reply.

"Morning John Paul," she said with a grin before disappearing down the stairs.

John Paul and Craig looked at each other and laughed. It seemed that they weren't as clever as they thought.

Standing at the station with Craig felt horribly familiar. Was it really 18 months since they last did this? Since he last said goodbye to the man he loved.

Once again John Paul felt the pangs of sadness as he stood holding on to Craig's hand. Having to let him go again hurt almost as much as it had the first time, but at least this time he knew that Craig would be back and he knew that Craig would be on the other end of the phone whenever he needed to talk.

The minutes were ticking by so fast that John Paul knew Craig had to get on the train soon or risk missing it all together.

"You'd better go," he said sadly, "they wont wait for you."

Craig nodded, holding John Paul's hand a little tighter, "But will you?"

"You know I will... for as long as it takes."

Craig pulled John Paul into his arms, holding him tightly for one last time, kissing him for one last time, saying goodbye one too many times.

"I don't think I can do it," he breathed into John Paul's hair, "I don't think I can leave you again."

John Paul stepped back, holding Craig at arms length and looking into the soft brown of his eyes.

"Yes you can," he said simply, "I won't be the reason for you leaving Trinity... I won't risk you resenting me for that in the future."

"The future?"

"Our future," John Paul continued, "We've got the rest of our lives to be together... I think we can cope with a little more time apart..."

"When did you get to be so sensible?" Craig asked with a laugh.

"I always have been... you just never noticed before. Now go on... get on the train before I change my mind."

Pressing his lips against John Paul's once more Craig turned and boarded the train to start his journey back to Ireland.

John Paul watched as the train pulled away from the station, staring after it until it's shape became only a blur in the distance.

With a sad smile he started to head back along the platform.

A sudden vibration against his leg alerted John Paul to the arrival of a text. Pulling his phone from his pocket he smiled as Craig's name was illuminated on the screen. He quickly pressed read.

"Did I say that I love you?" The message from Craig read.

"You might have mentioned it," John Paul replied, "But you can say it again as often as you like. Call me soon."

Slipping his phone back into his pocket John Paul's steps were lighter as he headed out of the station.

Within minutes his phone began to shake again, a different vibration announcing a call. John Paul laughed as once again Craig's name lit up the phones display.

Craig began to speak the second John Paul answered his call.

"So would NOW be too soon to call?"

"You could have at least waited till you got out of Chester," John Paul replied laughing.

"Yeah I could have done that," Craig agreed laughter apparent in his voice, "But I couldn't wait that long!"

"You DO realise that if we carry on like this we're gonna end up with some huge phone bills!"

"I can live with that," Craig said decisively, "I don't want to give you the chance to forget me."

"It's never gonna happen!"

"As long as you remember that I love you," Craig said.

"I love you too," John Paul replied.

"I'll call you soon..."

"Make sure you do..."

There was a pause as they both held their phones, listening to each other's breathing.

"See ya Craig..."

"Bye."

John Paul felt a new born confidence as he made his way home. Craig might be miles from him right now but they would be together again and then nothing would ever come between them.

Craig rested his head against the cool glass of the train's window with a sigh.

"Saying goodbye to your girlfriend?" The old woman sitting opposite asked him with a smile.

"My boyfriend actually," Craig replied grinning as he sat back into his seat.

"You should see him," he continued, "He's so beautiful... the most beautiful person I've ever known."

Craig smiled to himself as he closed his eyes, the image of John Paul burning brightly in his mind. The train might be taking his body on its journey back to Ireland but he had left his heart back in Hollyoaks, back in the hands of John Paul. And he knew it would be safe there.


End file.
